By Katherine Crystal T. Belzunce
Love has ever since been a broad and complicated concept in the field of psychology, yet at the same time the most understood by many. There are plenty of psychologists who tried to explain and simplify this phenomenon such as Zick Rubin, John Lee, and Robert Sternberg but this subject still remains a theory. Love is so complex in a way that we can’t just encompass this into one explanation, especially with the knowledge that we all have different ways to love. This brings us to Dr. Gary Chapman’s theory in his book about the 5 love languages that majority of us are aware of: this includes gift giving, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service. This theory suggests how every individual has different love languages which they are more aligned to when trying to express or receive love.
Mrs. Kathleen Ryan Besonia-Bobadilla, a faculty member in the Department of Psychology who was newly wedded to Engr. Renzbenhar O. Bobadilla last May 2022, also shares the same view and highlights the importance of understanding love language as a whole. First, knowing your own love language develops a gauge that would guide you in understanding your emotions and how you will be able to express them. This is by means a way to find that unsettling feeling that something seems to be missing and an opportunity to communicate them to your loved ones. Secondly, knowing the love language of the person you care about is important for you to know how you’ll approach the person and how you’ll give love in a way that they would understand. It is also a way to recognize the context behind their actions when they are trying to express their love, and for you to be able to appreciate their efforts more.
“Love is union with somebody, or something outside oneself under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self”
Erich Fromm
She quoted Erich Fromm as she explains her experience in marriage and the value of keeping each other’s identities while also honoring the union they vowed in front of God. This emphasizes the significance of giving respect to the person you care about, especially in acknowledging each other’s strengths and weaknesses. She stated that, “When you love, you try to understand that person,” and it is the same with friends and family. If we fail to accept each other’s differences, we might end up feeling frustrated or mistake an action for something with ill intentions, even though the truth behind it all is the purity of your love for one another. On the other hand, if we are able to truly fathom each other’s individuality and work together in showing love, care, and appreciation in a language that both parties would understand, then the fruit of this love is something that cannot be taken away by anyone.
There are still a lot of things we need to go through to fully grasp the essence of love and it is the same with Mrs. Bobadilla who only recently got married. Although, she still pointed out how the youth shouldn’t find love just about anywhere and instead find that time to respect oneself first before anything else. It is true that self preservation is difficult, but it is more important that you don’t let anyone treat you like trash. Remember that knowing yourself has a big factor in your own decision making and it could lead to great disasters if taken for granted. As one of her final messages for the youth she adds, “Trust yourself more. Care for yourself more. You cannot give what you do not have.”
Reference List:
Cherry, K. (2022, April 21). 5 Psychological Theories of Love. Verywell Mind. Retrieved
February 10, 2023 from https://www.verywellmind.com/theories-of-love-2795341
UAGC Staff Member. (2021, December 10). The Psychology Behind the 5 Love Languages.
The University of Arizona Global Campus. Retrieved February 10, 2023 from https://www.uagc.edu/blog/the-psychology-behind-the-5-love-languages
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